My Relationship Goals

Alright, so I shared my general goals for 2018. Another list I created was relationship goals. I wanted to share this list to inspire you to have a healthy intimate partnership in the future.

  1. Build me up as an individual: I know I have to love, trust, and honor myself before I can have an equal give and take union.
  2. Find someone who is also established and treats me nice. Also known as an equally yoked partner.
  3. Allow a man to pursue me and have courtship. Developing a true friendship and bond. Figuring each other out and appreciating each other for who we are.
  4. Fall in love
  5. Get engaged & start planning the merging of our lives. To me, it means negotiating the not so cute stuff like finances & health.
  6. Get Married
  7. Having a healthy work & love balance
  8. And then you know…think about a family

This is my personal list that I’m working really hard on. I will reveal how it all goes in the future. I know all things are possible with God.

14 Don’t become partners with those who do not believe. For what partnership is there between righteousness and lawlessness? Or what fellowship does light have with darkness? 2 Corinthians 6:14.

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Choose Love. Choose Life.

Another thing I’ve been going through is family matters. I’m known as the nice smart person in my family. For a while, I was the listening ear to many problems that had nothing to do with me. It was until recently I have had enough and I had to put an end to it all.

For one thing, I’m at the age where I’m thinking about the future. Over time, a fear began to grow inside of me. “What’s the point of having a family if no one around me has a success story?” Logically it didn’t make sense to want to be in a relationship.

As I researched the topic more, I realized that God loves us and wants me to be in community with other people – including a healthy intimate union. Love is important to God and he wants us to experience how beautiful it can be. To get rid of this spirit of fear and blocking love – I had to stop listening to other people’s problems. Other’s fault has nothing to do with where God wants to take me.

It may not be love – it may something else. If it is not the will of God, you don’t have to believe in a lie. You can live a happy fruitful life.

Don’t fight the blessing God has for your life. Choose to live a fearless life.

18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper corresponding to him.” Genesis 2:18

 

Gentleness

We only have 2 more to talk about in this series until we start something new. Thank you so much for being patient with me as I finish this.

Ok, can I share something with you all? I always prayed that a man would “seek” me & God, but I didn’t know it would actually happen. When wanting someone to be your partner, it is so important to be gentle.

First be sure to find out if they are interested. In this case, I am very interested in this person. I find them attractive and I like the way they carry themselves. They seem confident along with a lot of self-discipline.  Not only do they possess the above, but they are kind and patient with me.

Like a lot of people who have had their heart broken and time wasted, I am very protective of myself. I want to know God has sent them before I make a full investment. This guy makes it clear they like me without being too aggressive or controlling.

“It is easier to catch bees with honey” is such a true summary of being gentle. In order to gain someone’s love and acceptance, show them your good side and that you are willing to be there. The right people will love this quality about you.

Pleasant words are a honeycomb:
sweet to the taste and health to the body.

Proverbs 16:24

 

Patience : Fruit of the Spirit

So like I stated in my goals post, men have expressed their interest in me. They were great guys and I found they had potential.

No, I’m not looking for perfection. But the question I have is: how am I supposed to submit to a man who doesn’t even believe in himself.

I’m 25 and my parents are worried I can’t a find a partner. I’m like “relax, I’ve only been single for 6 months, I’m not trying to get into something I will regret for the rest of my life.” And this is where patience comes in.

If this is the season to rest and develop, that is what I’m going to do. Being jealous of other relationships is not going to help my situation. When the right partner comes – I want to fully enjoy him. Bringing baggage and complaints to the table is not a goal of mine.

“He may not come when you want him – but he’ll there right on time” is an old school song we used to sing. God always gives us the things we need, rather than what we want.

Trusting in the highest father is what I’m doing, and I know it will be worth the wait.

In the meantime, I’m making sure my apartment is clean, and I cook meals – even if it’s just for myself. Preparing and evolving is what I’m using my singleness for.

A man who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. 

Proverbs 18:22

Fruit of the Spirit: Love

Surprise! I’m kicking off a new series where I will talk about fruits of the spirit. I’m going to go over each one in my own special way.

The first one I will be talking about is love.

Every person in my life wants to experience this, including myself. As we grow older – our needs change, but the main foundation is love. I remember being a child trying my best to be as cute as I can for the attention of my family.

As I got older my ideas of what I had to do to receive love evolved. Honestly, it became exhausting. I never felt fully satisfied. I went through a phase where I just gave up until I realized these 2 important cliches.

  1. God is the only one that can give you real unconditional love. When someone says “I love you” it’s usually a “but…” at the end. There will always be a price to receive love from humans. Some people standards are low while others are high, but there has to be something given. God’s love is unconditional. There is nothing in this world you can give that God needs. Yet there is an everlasting abundance of acceptance and compassion that is given just for being you.
  2. You have to love yourself first. On the journey of finding out Jesus, I found my identity. The value I had for myself began to grow. All the potential God gave me began to show in the mirror and I was impressed. My standards grew and I no longer lowered myself to please other people. “This is how I deserve to be treated and I’m not here to impress you” became my new attitude. Being born again in Christ gave me a new outlook on myself which made me love myself in Christ. Surprisingly when you love who you are, it’s much easier to love others. It’s true what they say, how you treat other people is how you see yourself.

 

So there you have it. Love is what we all should live by to make this life worthwhile.

16 And we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us.

God is love, and the one who remains in love remains in God, and God remains in him.

1 John 4:16

26 Things to do While You’re Waiting on “The One”

When I’m talking to a potential husband candidate I always ask “how have you been spending your 20s?” “If you’re 26, what have you been doing these past 6 years?” If he doesn’t have a good enough answer, I am not interested. Here’s a list of what I’ve been doing so I have the perfect answer if someone ask me the same thing.

  1. Building my relationship with Jesus
  2. Going to counseling so I won’t come with unnecessary baggage.
  3. Spending time with my family
  4. Building healthy relationships with god fearing ladies
  5. Updating my wardrobe
  6. Trying out cute hair styles
  7. Getting my nails done
  8. Reading self help books
  9. Watching relationship videos
  10. Experiencing life within limits
  11. Traveling
  12. Doing my makeup
  13. Learning new recopies
  14. Making it a habit to keep my apartment clean
  15. Making it a habit to keep my car clean
  16.  Reading scriptures on what being a wife is all about
  17. Learning parenting skills through my puppy
  18. Praying
  19. Focusing on my career
  20. Loving the life I have
  21. Making peace out of the life I have
  22. Analyzing my previous relationships so I know what to do next time
  23. Organizing my finances
  24. Going to the gym
  25. Not entertaining guys I don’t see a future with
  26. Letting God pick the one

Please don’t sit at home hoping wishing and praying for your husband to come. Get yourself in order so when he comes, you will be ready to have an equal partnership.

22 A man who finds a wife finds a good thing
and obtains favor from the Lord. Proverbs 18:22

Friendship vs Courtship : Are they the one?

The truth is, I realized I enjoyed the friendship more than the courtship. “Wait there’s a difference?” In my case yes. I had to ask myself these questions:

 

Can I rely on him when things become difficult? 

There’s a R& B song that goes “sunny days everybody loves them – can you stand the rain?” Like most people, I won’t date someone who makes me miserable. Having someone to make me laugh and feel comfortable is important. Like the song goes – all of the days won’t be perfect. When things are not easy – does this person have character and strength from God to carry on? I don’t see a point in being in a relationship  if someone can’t handle the bad days.


Do I find this person attractive?

Before you judge this question – I’m not saying I have a lustful spirit. I’m not saying you should have sex before marriage. I was reading this book called “Every Young Woman’s Battle” By Shannon Ethridge and Steve Arterburn. Its a book that talks about dealing with sexual desires as a young woman (it’s really good check it out.) They were realistic in the end and said “you can’t get married to someone and be intimate just because they are a good person.” If there is nothing there – it probably won’t grow after marriage. I couldn’t see myself actually being with someone I didn’t see more than just a “great friend”


Are we going down the same path on our walk with Jesus?

As I developed in my walk with Jesus – I began to have spiritual goals. “I want this and that – this is going to happen.” If someone doesn’t respect what you want or is not on the same page – how can it work out?


Do I accept him for where he is now and not his potential?

Seeing so much hope and promise in someone doesn’t mean they see it in themselves. And if they do see it, they may not have the discipline to fulfill those promises. I had to take a step back and see where they were instead of what they could be. Potential is not enough.


These are just my personal things that keep me single until I find someone who is equally yoked. I believe in God’s plans for my life – and I am all in.

 

14 Don’t become partners with those who do not believe. For what partnership is there between righteousness and lawlessness? Or what fellowship does light have with darkness? 2 Corinthians 6:14