Marriage Fears.

“What if this or that happens, then what? GOD, I HAVE TO SHARE EVERYTHING?” 

Being the spoiled only child, I’m not used to sharing or having someone in my face all of the time. If I don’t want to be bothered, I can just hang up the phone and enjoy the rest of my day. As I’m learning and growing I have discovered a few things.

Being single is great – but relationships are necessary and important. It will take some adjusting but I can’t live a selfish and fearful life. The Bible has many scriptures that point out why marriage is so important to God’s kingdom.

In the Christian lifestyle, women were designed to help a man achieve goals and visions. No, we are not meant to be doormats, or not have a voice. When a husband eventually comes into my life, I must be his teammate.

Life experiences are also preparing me for a wife role. Being in the corporate world has taught me how to respect someone as an individual while still getting work done. My beautiful aunt has shown me what a graceful wife looks like to my uncle and their wonderful children.

As I’m on this journey on allowing a man to pursue me, I will put my faith in God and know he will direct the entire thing.

24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 

Ephesians 5:24



Patience : Fruit of the Spirit

So like I stated in my goals post, men have expressed their interest in me. They were great guys and I found they had potential.

No, I’m not looking for perfection. But the question I have is: how am I supposed to submit to a man who doesn’t even believe in himself.

I’m 25 and my parents are worried I can’t a find a partner. I’m like “relax, I’ve only been single for 6 months, I’m not trying to get into something I will regret for the rest of my life.” And this is where patience comes in.

If this is the season to rest and develop, that is what I’m going to do. Being jealous of other relationships is not going to help my situation. When the right partner comes – I want to fully enjoy him. Bringing baggage and complaints to the table is not a goal of mine.

“He may not come when you want him – but he’ll there right on time” is an old school song we used to sing. God always gives us the things we need, rather than what we want.

Trusting in the highest father is what I’m doing, and I know it will be worth the wait.

In the meantime, I’m making sure my apartment is clean, and I cook meals – even if it’s just for myself. Preparing and evolving is what I’m using my singleness for.

A man who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. 

Proverbs 18:22

26 Things to do While You’re Waiting on “The One”

When I’m talking to a potential husband candidate I always ask “how have you been spending your 20s?” “If you’re 26, what have you been doing these past 6 years?” If he doesn’t have a good enough answer, I am not interested. Here’s a list of what I’ve been doing so I have the perfect answer if someone ask me the same thing.

  1. Building my relationship with Jesus
  2. Going to counseling so I won’t come with unnecessary baggage.
  3. Spending time with my family
  4. Building healthy relationships with god fearing ladies
  5. Updating my wardrobe
  6. Trying out cute hair styles
  7. Getting my nails done
  8. Reading self help books
  9. Watching relationship videos
  10. Experiencing life within limits
  11. Traveling
  12. Doing my makeup
  13. Learning new recopies
  14. Making it a habit to keep my apartment clean
  15. Making it a habit to keep my car clean
  16.  Reading scriptures on what being a wife is all about
  17. Learning parenting skills through my puppy
  18. Praying
  19. Focusing on my career
  20. Loving the life I have
  21. Making peace out of the life I have
  22. Analyzing my previous relationships so I know what to do next time
  23. Organizing my finances
  24. Going to the gym
  25. Not entertaining guys I don’t see a future with
  26. Letting God pick the one

Please don’t sit at home hoping wishing and praying for your husband to come. Get yourself in order so when he comes, you will be ready to have an equal partnership.

22 A man who finds a wife finds a good thing
and obtains favor from the Lord. Proverbs 18:22

Friendship vs Courtship : Are they the one?

The truth is, I realized I enjoyed the friendship more than the courtship. “Wait there’s a difference?” In my case yes. I had to ask myself these questions:


Can I rely on him when things become difficult? 

There’s a R& B song that goes “sunny days everybody loves them – can you stand the rain?” Like most people, I won’t date someone who makes me miserable. Having someone to make me laugh and feel comfortable is important. Like the song goes – all of the days won’t be perfect. When things are not easy – does this person have character and strength from God to carry on? I don’t see a point in being in a relationship  if someone can’t handle the bad days.

Do I find this person attractive?

Before you judge this question – I’m not saying I have a lustful spirit. I’m not saying you should have sex before marriage. I was reading this book called “Every Young Woman’s Battle” By Shannon Ethridge and Steve Arterburn. Its a book that talks about dealing with sexual desires as a young woman (it’s really good check it out.) They were realistic in the end and said “you can’t get married to someone and be intimate just because they are a good person.” If there is nothing there – it probably won’t grow after marriage. I couldn’t see myself actually being with someone I didn’t see more than just a “great friend”

Are we going down the same path on our walk with Jesus?

As I developed in my walk with Jesus – I began to have spiritual goals. “I want this and that – this is going to happen.” If someone doesn’t respect what you want or is not on the same page – how can it work out?

Do I accept him for where he is now and not his potential?

Seeing so much hope and promise in someone doesn’t mean they see it in themselves. And if they do see it, they may not have the discipline to fulfill those promises. I had to take a step back and see where they were instead of what they could be. Potential is not enough.

These are just my personal things that keep me single until I find someone who is equally yoked. I believe in God’s plans for my life – and I am all in.


14 Don’t become partners with those who do not believe. For what partnership is there between righteousness and lawlessness? Or what fellowship does light have with darkness? 2 Corinthians 6:14