“What if this or that happens, then what? GOD, I HAVE TO SHARE EVERYTHING?”
Being the spoiled only child, I’m not used to sharing or having someone in my face all of the time. If I don’t want to be bothered, I can just hang up the phone and enjoy the rest of my day. As I’m learning and growing I have discovered a few things.
Being single is great – but relationships are necessary and important. It will take some adjusting but I can’t live a selfish and fearful life. The Bible has many scriptures that point out why marriage is so important to God’s kingdom.
In the Christian lifestyle, women were designed to help a man achieve goals and visions. No, we are not meant to be doormats, or not have a voice. When a husband eventually comes into my life, I must be his teammate.
Life experiences are also preparing me for a wife role. Being in the corporate world has taught me how to respect someone as an individual while still getting work done. My beautiful aunt has shown me what a graceful wife looks like to my uncle and their wonderful children.
As I’m on this journey on allowing a man to pursue me, I will put my faith in God and know he will direct the entire thing.
24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
So like I stated in my goals post, men have expressed their interest in me. They were great guys and I found they had potential.
No, I’m not looking for perfection. But the question I have is: how am I supposed to submit to a man who doesn’t even believe in himself.
I’m 25 and my parents are worried I can’t a find a partner. I’m like “relax, I’ve only been single for 6 months, I’m not trying to get into something I will regret for the rest of my life.” And this is where patience comes in.
If this is the season to rest and develop, that is what I’m going to do. Being jealous of other relationships is not going to help my situation. When the right partner comes – I want to fully enjoy him. Bringing baggage and complaints to the table is not a goal of mine.
“He may not come when you want him – but he’ll there right on time” is an old school song we used to sing. God always gives us the things we need, rather than what we want.
Trusting in the highest father is what I’m doing, and I know it will be worth the wait.
In the meantime, I’m making sure my apartment is clean, and I cook meals – even if it’s just for myself. Preparing and evolving is what I’m using my singleness for.
A man who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.
During a conversation with my dad, my sister jets in the house “I’m so sorry I hit your car.” Everyone runs to the yard to see a big dent on my car. As shocking as it was, my first reaction was to stay calm and silent. “I’ll call the insurance company!” She shouted as she sprinted to her phone.
After wondering if the car still opened I wondered “does this car define me? Is getting angry worth upsetting my sister even more?” Clearly she already felt guilty, was it really the right time to fuel the fire?
In that instant I just walked away. I got in the car checked if it would start. It did – I could get back home. Once we got off the phone with insurance, I said this to my sister:
“I don’t want you to feel bad. The important thing is the car is working. Of course it won’t be as pretty but I’m glad we’re both ok”
She replied : “I’m willing to take blame for this. I’m willing for my insurance to go up so you can get your car fixed.”
It would have been so easy for me to get upset and yell at her mistake. To point out her flaws and analyze every detail of the car. If I did all of that, what would have been the point of Christmas? It is not about material things – the holiday is to glorify Jesus.
So many times Jesus forgave us for our shortcomings – we should be able to do the same for our neighbor. As a Christian, I must treat other’s how I want to be treated. With compassion and empathy. Yes the dent is there – but I would never want to leave a negative mark on a family member. Remember – Jesus is the reason for the season. Let’s live like him.
When I’m talking to a potential husband candidate I always ask “how have you been spending your 20s?” “If you’re 26, what have you been doing these past 6 years?” If he doesn’t have a good enough answer, I am not interested. Here’s a list of what I’ve been doing so I have the perfect answer if someone ask me the same thing.
Building my relationship with Jesus
Going to counseling so I won’t come with unnecessary baggage.
Spending time with my family
Building healthy relationships with god fearing ladies
Updating my wardrobe
Trying out cute hair styles
Getting my nails done
Reading self help books
Watching relationship videos
Experiencing life within limits
Doing my makeup
Learning new recopies
Making it a habit to keep my apartment clean
Making it a habit to keep my car clean
Reading scriptures on what being a wife is all about
Learning parenting skills through my puppy
Focusing on my career
Loving the life I have
Making peace out of the life I have
Analyzing my previous relationships so I know what to do next time
Organizing my finances
Going to the gym
Not entertaining guys I don’t see a future with
Letting God pick the one
Please don’t sit at home hoping wishing and praying for your husband to come. Get yourself in order so when he comes, you will be ready to have an equal partnership.
22 A man who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. Proverbs 18:22
The truth is, I realized I enjoyed the friendship more than the courtship. “Wait there’s a difference?” In my case yes. I had to ask myself these questions:
Can I rely on him when things become difficult?
There’s a R& B song that goes “sunny days everybody loves them – can you stand the rain?” Like most people, I won’t date someone who makes me miserable. Having someone to make me laugh and feel comfortable is important. Like the song goes – all of the days won’t be perfect. When things are not easy – does this person have character and strength from God to carry on? I don’t see a point in being in a relationship if someone can’t handle the bad days.
Do I find this person attractive?
Before you judge this question – I’m not saying I have a lustful spirit. I’m not saying you should have sex before marriage. I was reading this book called “Every Young Woman’s Battle” By Shannon Ethridge and Steve Arterburn. Its a book that talks about dealing with sexual desires as a young woman (it’s really good check it out.) They were realistic in the end and said “you can’t get married to someone and be intimate just because they are a good person.” If there is nothing there – it probably won’t grow after marriage. I couldn’t see myself actually being with someone I didn’t see more than just a “great friend”
Are we going down the same path on our walk with Jesus?
As I developed in my walk with Jesus – I began to have spiritual goals. “I want this and that – this is going to happen.” If someone doesn’t respect what you want or is not on the same page – how can it work out?
Do I accept him for where he is now and not his potential?
Seeing so much hope and promise in someone doesn’t mean they see it in themselves. And if they do see it, they may not have the discipline to fulfill those promises. I had to take a step back and see where they were instead of what they could be. Potential is not enough.
These are just my personal things that keep me single until I find someone who is equally yoked. I believe in God’s plans for my life – and I am all in.
14 Don’t become partners with those who do not believe. For what partnership is there between righteousness and lawlessness? Or what fellowship does light have with darkness? 2 Corinthians 6:14
“Whoa I’ve been here before and this looks a little different.”
Or you’re probably like “what is this Remote Christian thing?”
And this is the part where I jump in explain all the questions you may / may not have.
I’m glad you’re here – Come as you are.
Yes I changed a few things.Hopefully this layout will be reader friendly.
I’ve been going back and forth “should I create a domain? should I really be serious about this? will this all work out?”
To simply put this – who cares?
When I was baptized – I made a commitment to be part of the Body of Christ. Sharing with who ever God wants to connect with is part of the deal. Your willing heart to be here is more than enough.
With a faith of a mustard seed here I am to write my experiences and journey with Jesus.
Thank you for making it worth it all.
20 “Because of your little faith,” he told them. “For truly I tell you, if you have faith the size of] a mustard seed, you will tell this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthews 17:20
The bad news is – nothing in this world is going to give you the answer. Family, jobs, love will always lead to a mind of questions. I had success in all 3 and still wondered who I was.
The good news is we have a source who knows everything about us. Past present and future is in the palm of his hands. Your identity will be given if you just follow his son.
Here are a few tips to create an identity in Christ.
Connect with the father: prayer and the bible are both great starts.
Keep a journal. Write the highs and the lows. Writing it out will help you keep track on how far you’ve come. Keeping a journal will also let you see areas that may need improvement.
Build relationships : join a Christian community – finding a place that encourages you to grow will build your confidence
Try. If you see something you’re interested in – give it a try. There is no harm in seeing if you like a small group or volunteer work. Keep trying stuff until you find your thing.
Consistency : being a Christian is a lifestyle change. Make room for your relationship with Jesus.
“This is too much work! I can’t do all of this.”
Well concerned reader here is a thought:
It’s a marathon not a sprint. It may take you 1 day, 1 year, 10 years to do these 5. All God wants is a mustard seed of faith – and he will handle the rest.
3 So if you have been raised with Christ, seek the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 3 For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. Colossians 3:1-3